How to NOT be Boring AF online
The fact of the matter is online dating/hooking up is much more difficult for heterosexual men than heterosexual women. Women receive significantly more messages than men, and it is not uncommon for women to wait for men to send the first message. I was just talking to a friend who is bisexual and she said that she almost exclusively gets messages from men, even though she matches with people of both genders. So as one of many men showing interest in women online, how do you make yourself stand out from the crowd?
Just because you’re on an adult dating site doesn’t mean that your first message can simply be, “Wanna fuck?” However, the nature of this site makes it so it isn’t out of the question to say something flirty or sexy on the first message, which on most other dating platforms is not recommended. A lot of women are into hookups but for the most part, we require more of a warm-up than men. Instead of immediately going to the fact that you want to hook up with this person, perhaps learn a bit about their sexuality. Ask them if they’ve seen any porn that they find sexy recently, or if there is a fantasy that they have. Ask them what made their best hookup so good, or what something is that they find arousing but others may not. These types of first comments won’t work for everyone but could be fun for those looking for a sensual conversation. For most women, this is more stimulating than sending unrequested dick pics, or immediately talking about your cock without any encouragement. Remember, women are overall less visually aroused than men, so for a lot of us the best way to stimulate us is through our brain.
Make it a game. Who doesn’t like a fun game? And as grown-ups there are fewer and fewer opportunities to play. One type of game you could play is asking if they would rather do A or B. “Would you rather be stuck in a freezing igloo with Hagrid or Hodor?” Or make it a little flirty, “You are only allowed to have oral, anal or vaginal sex for 6 months: which one would you choose and why?” Get creative! Think about the questions that you are most interested in a hookup and find a fun creative way to learn more about potential partners.
Show that you’ve read their profile and comment on something specific. We get so many generic messages, “Hey, whatsup?” “You look sexy!” “Wanna hook up?” Stand out by saying something specific about us. It shows that you took the time to read our profile and specifically put in the time to write something thoughtful about us. For example: “Where are you in that photo with the river in the background? It looks like my cousin's cabin in Canada. By the way, you look gorgeous.” This message tells us you put in the time to write a thoughtful message, conveyed that we find you attractive, and has told us something about you. Or the more sexual version, “You have a gorgeous pussy, I would love to make you feel really good, can I ask you what turns you on?”
Make your profile interesting. This makes it easier for interested parties to learn about you and start conversations. Mention your interests both sexual and lifestyle. The more you share the easier it is for people to find common interests. Also, it is very important to show interesting photos of you. Remember, women may not be as aroused by your cock and your face, so if you feel comfortable, have a variety of different poses that shows you both as a sexual being but also as a human existing in the world.
- Reread what you type before pressing send. For me anyway, there is nothing less sexy than typos. It shows that you don’t care enough to spend the TWO SECONDS it takes to reread what you wrote. It makes me feel like you are messaging ALL the women and aren’t specifically interested in me. It also makes me feel like if they can’t bother writing a message without typos, they wouldn’t care enough to put in the work to make me cum.
- LISTEN! So many dudes go on personal monologues and not listen to the fascinating women that they are interacting with. Instead of asking women if they can deep throat or ways that they can make you feel good, focus on their wants and desires. Turning women on is the sexiest thing, and instead of being a selfish, learn about the women that you are talking to. If you ever meet in the flesh you will have the tools to make them feel better, which, in case you don’t know this gem yet, makes them much more likely to be open to finding new and interesting ways to make you feel good as well.
If you follow this advice, by making up a fun game, not being basic and showing a genuine interest in the person, you should be able to get more responses. Once you get a response, keep the conversation interesting by listening to what the person says and putting in the effort to get to know them, sexually or otherwise. That way, if you meet in person you’ll have the tools to make sure you have a good time and make them feel good.